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It's been a hard week--exhaustion from staying up late writing tests and quizzes, grading, prep, etc.
I had been told a month ago that things were working out for me to be split between the high school and middle school next year (thus ALL Latin)--that all that had been needed was for the middle school to align their schedule, which has apparently been done. Last week I found out my numbers for Latin 1 next year at the high school--almost QUADRUPLE what I have now (I only have 13 kids right now; 48 signed up so far for next year). But yesterday I found out that the middle school principal only added French (they already had Spanish). No Latin.
I just canNOT teach English again... it has been so draining, taking energy out of me, taking me away from my family, taking time away from Latin. After watching my friend lose his 17 year old daughter this year, then my own Latin teacher passing away, followed by my first friend (who lost his daughter) having a major heart attack (he's ok now), I'm just reevaluating what I want.
I want to teach. I can't help my passion for Latin. I cannot help that this is what makes me tick. God knows there's no sane explanation for it.
But as much as I want to teach, I have too much respect for myself and my abilities, and too much love for my family. Am I truly willing to prostitute myself, to be a slave to what a principal needs (teaching English, etc)? I was taken to task by a reader of this blog a week or so ago for trashing my colleagues, and I admitted that from time to time I did. And I guess part of that is that I see teachers who don't really care about teaching, don't really have a passion for Latin, don't attend conferences, don't read articles, don't try to improve their teaching skills, don't THINK AHEAD to what the students will need in the future, etc. Do they really want to teach Latin?? Or do they just like doing JCL? Is that really enough? Are they taking up space????
I really WANT to teach. For whatever reason I am POSSESSED with this...WHY should this be so hard?
WHY IS BEING IN EDUCATION SO DIFFICULT IN THIS COUNTRY?
My friend in England asked why people aren't beating down my door to have me teach at their school. <snort> She thought teachers were valued more here. Well, I think my principal is fighting hard for me to get Latin at the middle school, because he doesn't want to lose me. This much I believe to be true. My former students don't get why I can't teach wherever I want; people I've helped via email say kind things like they wish they had had me as a teacher years ago because they could have done so much more with their Latin, etc etc. EVEN when I feel like I'm doing just an average job with my current Latin 2s and 3's because it's a split level class, I'm told I do so much more than the previous teacher, who just said, "look it up" and assigned tons of book work, never taking time to truly explain anything or work at length with the students on a concept. They tell me they've learned so much more with me this year than they ever learned in the previous two years.
And yet... I may be forced to teach English next year again... or look again for another job. Or consider changing jobs (not teaching at all) for a while so I can give more attention to my family???
Well, I guess everyone feels bummed in the spring. It's a hard time of year to be a teacher.
I had been told a month ago that things were working out for me to be split between the high school and middle school next year (thus ALL Latin)--that all that had been needed was for the middle school to align their schedule, which has apparently been done. Last week I found out my numbers for Latin 1 next year at the high school--almost QUADRUPLE what I have now (I only have 13 kids right now; 48 signed up so far for next year). But yesterday I found out that the middle school principal only added French (they already had Spanish). No Latin.
I just canNOT teach English again... it has been so draining, taking energy out of me, taking me away from my family, taking time away from Latin. After watching my friend lose his 17 year old daughter this year, then my own Latin teacher passing away, followed by my first friend (who lost his daughter) having a major heart attack (he's ok now), I'm just reevaluating what I want.
I want to teach. I can't help my passion for Latin. I cannot help that this is what makes me tick. God knows there's no sane explanation for it.
But as much as I want to teach, I have too much respect for myself and my abilities, and too much love for my family. Am I truly willing to prostitute myself, to be a slave to what a principal needs (teaching English, etc)? I was taken to task by a reader of this blog a week or so ago for trashing my colleagues, and I admitted that from time to time I did. And I guess part of that is that I see teachers who don't really care about teaching, don't really have a passion for Latin, don't attend conferences, don't read articles, don't try to improve their teaching skills, don't THINK AHEAD to what the students will need in the future, etc. Do they really want to teach Latin?? Or do they just like doing JCL? Is that really enough? Are they taking up space????
I really WANT to teach. For whatever reason I am POSSESSED with this...WHY should this be so hard?
WHY IS BEING IN EDUCATION SO DIFFICULT IN THIS COUNTRY?
My friend in England asked why people aren't beating down my door to have me teach at their school. <snort> She thought teachers were valued more here. Well, I think my principal is fighting hard for me to get Latin at the middle school, because he doesn't want to lose me. This much I believe to be true. My former students don't get why I can't teach wherever I want; people I've helped via email say kind things like they wish they had had me as a teacher years ago because they could have done so much more with their Latin, etc etc. EVEN when I feel like I'm doing just an average job with my current Latin 2s and 3's because it's a split level class, I'm told I do so much more than the previous teacher, who just said, "look it up" and assigned tons of book work, never taking time to truly explain anything or work at length with the students on a concept. They tell me they've learned so much more with me this year than they ever learned in the previous two years.
And yet... I may be forced to teach English next year again... or look again for another job. Or consider changing jobs (not teaching at all) for a while so I can give more attention to my family???
Well, I guess everyone feels bummed in the spring. It's a hard time of year to be a teacher.
